More than 40 percent of parents in the U.S. have trouble functioning normally. It's “parenting stress”

The life of a parent is not a bed of roses. Chronic fatigue and overwhelm have a medical name. It's “parenting stress.” The U.S. Surgeon General says it's a growing social problem.

– Parenting stress exists. It's common. We don't always see it because parents don't always talk about it – describes Dr. Vivek Murthy, Surgeon General of the United States.

The official recommendation, “Parents Under Pressure,” contains alarming data. 41 percent of American parents say they are unable to function normally most of the time. 48 percent say they are completely overwhelmed by stress most of the time.

The rates are half as high among adults who don’t have children. Vivek Murthy, a medical officer with the rank of vice admiral, says, “As a father of two, I know what parenting stress is like.”

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“Everyone in this country will agree that parenting is important, but there is a difference between saying something is important and making it a priority. If we really want to make supporting parents a priority, we need to make a serious cultural shift,” Vivek Murthy said.

– Business owners, leaders of organizations should listen a little more when someone comes to them and says: “raising children is really stressful and I need a little break from work to try to cope with it all,” says Dr. Judy Ho, a neuropsychologist.

The recommendations of the US Surgeon General are a set of obvious things for a European, but not for every American. They are the implementation of a national paid family and medical leave program, paid sick leave for all employees, including universal “child leave”, and increased support from employers, including more predictable working hours.

It is worth recalling that the United States is the only Western country where there is no paid maternity leave, let alone paternity leave.

“A lot of parents feel overwhelmed because they're part of the sandwich generation. So on the one hand, they're taking care of their children, but they're also taking care of their aging parents. There's this idea that as a parent, you have to be grateful and positive all the time. Of course you are, but you still have to be able to say, 'Hey, sometimes things are really tough,'” says Judy Ho.

The latest publication by the US Surgeon General is part of his broader policy of publicizing non-obvious health threats. Recently, there have been recommendations regarding the mental health crisis among young people, the growing problem of loneliness, and finally the dangers of social media. Dr. Vivek Murthy believes that they are also co-responsible for the problem of parenting stress.

“We live in a pernicious culture of constant comparison, which has been reinforced by social media. Parents constantly compare themselves to other parents and feel like they fall short,” says Dr. Vivek Murthy.

– It's important to relax and tell yourself that there's no such thing as perfect parenting. And also, if you stop taking care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of your children and everything else around you. If you want to be a good parent, you still have to put yourself first, emphasizes Judy Ho.

American authorities point out that modern parents work much more than they did 40 years ago. Growing professional and educational demands affect the quality of sleep, free time and relationships with partners.